What You Might Have Been

"It's never to late to be what you might have been." George Elliot


That quote is one of the few words that lay on my makeshift altar in the parlor. Too large to fit in my wallet, too small to hang on the wall, that small piece of cardboard lies flat at the foot of a statue of Jesus, amid other artifacts from my spiritual journey.


Today I have removed the Advent candles from my altar and am set to bundle all my props for the new confirmation classes that begin next Sunday. Musing that again only one candle has even been slightly burned over Advent despite all my good intentions to have done otherwise, I gazed at that small plaque and tried to understand why I had failed to spend more time in 2011 in my parlor dedicated to prayer. Knowing that a relationship with God is more worthwhile than any endeavor, I still have trouble committing to a set time of prayer,reading and worship.
I really want to stick to a standard of prayer and daily worship.

A former runner who understood that lacing up my shoes and taking those first few steps was the toughest part of distance running, I opened up 'The Word among Us' to January 2. "Let what you heard from the beginning remain in you. If what you heard from the beginning remains in you, then you will remain in the Son and the Father." (1 John 24). Maybe my trouble was not committing to an idea, my problem was that I sometimes depend too much on people today for spiritual gudiance. Memories of those people who had initially jump- started my faith journey flooded my consciousness. When had I strayed from their inspiration? A mature prayer life would mean that I follow the light that so initially mesmerized me. My mentors encouraged me to follow God according to His guidance, not what others told me worked for them.

I continually preach to countless Confirmation students: "You are unique. " "The Spirit dwells in you." "Use your gifts to build the kingdom and you will receive the fruits of the Spirit." I tell them that they are privileged to function within the walls of a great institution in which they should appreciate the guidelines that will guide their paths. That we walk is important, the specifics will be up to us and our personal relationship with the God. I guess I need to listen to my own words. Quit judging yourself on standards meant for others. I recognize God in many people and places, yet my path is different from those that others walk.

There are many paths up a mountain. Going to mass is important. Praying the Rosary is important. Reading is important. Quiet reflection time is important. All modes of spiritual travel are important. No one can diagram the specifics for me except the Spirit. Putting myself in situations where He may guide me will encourage peaceful journeys. I cannot judge that a specific routine in my parlor will guarantee growth. But I can guarantee that merely going into the parlor for periods of reflection
to read, pray the rosary, listen to music, visit with someone, or reflect quietly, will never leave me feeling that I am inadequate in His sight.

How appropriate that I am tearing my altar apart today, separating what stays and what goes with me 'for the road" this confirmation season. That saying from George Elliot will be the first article that my class will place at the feet of the statue of Jesus on our class altar. For the word 'Believe' stands stoically in the right hand corner, and reinforces the thought that we need to believe in ourselves as well as the Father. We set the limits. Members of our families set limits. Our clergy sets limits. The Spirit sets no limits.

It's never to late.