Happy New Year!!!!
The Holiday Season always seems to provide time for reflection.
Someone recently demanded to know why I chose to be "difficult" when involved in discussions about our "New Parish" . Why was I always so angry? Why couldn't I just go along with what the diocese and the staff recommended? I must admit that I was surprised at what she said. I assumed that my general attitude certainly involved a lot of passion, but not what I would call anger. My only thought was to blurt, "Aren't there some things worth getting angry about? "
I did spend the next week thinking about her comment. Why would I be perceived as "difficult" or "angry"? And then, I received some insight. On one of the few extremely cold days of 2006, I stopped at a local grocery to pick up a few items. I chatted with the young clerk as she passed my things down to the new bagboy. Paper or plastic? Barely paying attention, I nodded at "Plastic". He quickly bagged my groceries and took them out to my car. I didn't pay much attention to what he was doing. Upon arriving home, I took the first two bags out of the car. One bag split at the corner and a small can of mandarin oranges flew out, bouncing down the steps. I didn't think much of it, a small can of oranges could certainly survive a small drop. Back to the car for the second load, I vowed to pay a little more attention. I carefully lifted the bag filled with pop with my left hand. I knew that that bag would be heavier than the one that I grabbed with my right hand. But then, in slow motion, I watched as the bag in my right hand split open and the contents drop behind me. I watched a large glass jar of applesauce smash on the cold cement behind my car. I sighed as I realized that I would be on my hands and knees on that cold, dark garage floor scooping that sticky mess into a bucket. I would then have to shine the flashlight under the car to pick up any pieces of glass that might have strayed. I spent twenty minutes cleaning up a mess that could have prevented with a few more seconds of caution.
Kneeling on that freezing floor, in the dark, I regretted not having paid more attention in the store. I could have asked the clerk to 'double bag' my groceries. I could have protected what was fragile. Two days later I went into that same store. I did not demand a new jar of applesauce. I did not want an apology from the clerk who bagged the groceries. I didn't even tell the story. I just wanted to protect my next purchase. I asked the clerk this time to "double bag" my groceries. There was no problem. She wanted to protect my purchase as much as I did.
Ahh, I usually get a great deal of insight from my mistakes. A large smashed jar of applesauce. I guess its about paying attention and asking for someone to 'double bag'? Is that being 'difficult'? For almost four years now, I have paid a great deal of attention to our 'consolidation'. Sure, there were some things that happened that were unsettling. I learned a lot about our church's past and it's present situation. To "go along" without open discussions just seemed wrong. What have been the 'outlandish demands' that have been made on my part? The only behavior that would seem to have pleased the staff would have been to smile nicely and put my brain in reverse. Is that truly a way to move forward??
I guess I ask questions to protect the fragile. I ask that the institution be accountable for the fragile lives they serve. Single bags are fine for the ordinary things. Our New Parish is well packaged. We still have a mass to go to, choirs, CCD programs, a school, a youth minister, a newsletter, and lots of committees. What concerns me are the things that we have lost by not double bagging. Not taking the time and effort to save valuable people and programs. That smashed jar of applesauce represents not only the charisms that have been lost, but the charisms that may never develop. Has the staff limited our growth on purpose? I choose not to believe that. But I do feel that growth has been limited in its zeal to consolidate.
Are parishioners labeled 'difficult' when they ask our church to "double bag"? When they want to continue to work in their programs the way they used to, not because they resist change, but because what they did worked? If our church's goal is to move forward, then let's utilize the experience and opinions of both experienced parishioners and staff. That would be the double -bagging we truly need? Isn't it? That's not being 'difficult', its actually being pretty inclusive. We can move on, when the roadblocks are removed.
So, what's being 'difficult'? Caring? Ok. What parent hasn't been labeled "difficult" by the teenager that he loves? What teacher hasn't been considered 'difficult' when they have given a paper back to a student, expecting a better effort? What player hasn't wondered why their coach ran "difficult" practices? What are the rules of caring and passion? That things might get "difficult"? That there might be real change to deal with?
I guess I need to return to that person and tell them that, upon reflection, I guess that I am going to continue to be 'difficult'. And I don't think that I'm alone.
