I Was Just Trying To Sing !

I attended the Confirmation ceremony tonight at our parish. As I opened the hymnal to sing the offertory song, I realized that I could not see the lyrics. I now need my glasses to read smaller print, so I reluctantly reached over to get my glasses out of my purse. Before I knew it, the top flap spewed out a jumble of coins and pens that rumbled across the pew! Everyone in the pew ahead of me turned with a grin. I'm sure those behind me chuckled as well.( Afterwards, people were teasing me about how I must have been in a hurry to give money.)

I sighed and I wondered why I hadn't just mouthed the words, or hummed the tune, or just let it go and listened. There were only three verses to sing, and the choir was doing just fine without me. Surely noone would have missed my voice. But then I remembered why I did reach for my glasses, the song meant something to me. I felt a part of the song. It was community. I had taught confirmation at my former parish for almost 14 years. I have many memories of working with Junior High students and preparing them for their confirmation day. As the years went by, I learned a lot about kids and spirituality. And singing that song brought me into their presence.

As I put on my glasses and sang the rest of the song, I thought about how I was no longer leading Confirmation at our 'new' blended parish. Oh, I was asked to help. But it was then I came face to face with a truth about what had actually happened to our local church community after the closures. It is fast being swallowed up in an institution. There is nothing basically wrong with institutions as they do provide a framework from which to operate. But there are rules. Rules that I was unaware of. There must be a rule where a theology degree means more than a secondary education degree, fourteen years of experience and three years of Diocesen ministoral training. There must be a rule that if you are paid, you are more dedicated. I painfully learned about institution rules, and I ruefully backed away from Confirmation. I was just trying to sing, and the institution was telling me that my voice was not good enough.

I mentioned to some parishioners the other night, that I had accepted the fact that our small community was being swallowed up by the larger institution of "Transfiguration". I have been accepting a lot lately. I have accepted that the institution would say that I do not have a ministry because I am not a priest, a nun or a deacon. Thus, I simpy lead activties. I have accepted that the institution would say to me that I could not possibly hear God's voice. I simply have 'thoughts'. So, although I have accepted that the institution does not need me, there is no doubt in my mind that the community does.

Ironically, when it was time to sing the final song, I realized that I did not know it well enough to sing all of it from memory. I looked at my purse with a sigh, was singing worth the hassle? I knew the answer was yes. As I reached for my purse to get my glasses, I felt a tug on my sleeve. My sister pushed a book at me. Grinning, she said, "Here, it has big print!" I laughed and accepted the book gratefully. Someone wanted me to sing. She thought it was important for me to join in, and she wanted to help. One voice may not matter to the institution, but it does to the person sitting next to you who needs to hear your voice. That's what community is.

So with that in mind, I drove home with thoughts of planning more "activities" for the kids in Confirmation class. No, not for the confirmation class in the 'new' blended parish that counts me among its numbers. I accept that what used to be a community is steadily growing into an urban institution. Someone in another parish wanted to know if I would help with their confirmation. So it is to them that I give what used to be considered gifts. That's the funny thing about true community? It has no real boundary lines? True community will hear the voices of everyone. The print is HUGE !!!!!!