The Great Feast

Last night I had the opportunity to attend the wedding reception of a member of my daughter's volleyball team from years past. Although I knew that my husband would have difficulty getting off work that evening, I sent back the response that there would be two attending. Yesterday morning I had to decide if I would go to the reception on time with my daughter and her husband and enjoy watching most of the festivities or wait until my husband came home late and breeze in to make an appearance.

Most of us do not like to attend wedding and funerals without our spouses because there are often long waits in line, awkward decisions about where to sit, and sound bytes with people you don't see very often. As I would be flanked by my daughter and her husband, I was confident that awkward moments would be minimal.

As we arrived at the packed reception hall, my daughter pointed out more than a few empty seats at the table where a friend from work and his wife were sitting. Eagerly I went to their table only to be told by another couple that all eight seats were reserved. My daughter then waved from a table in the back where she was sitting with a friend of her husband's family and their children. Unfortunately, as I stopped to chat with two people sitting alone at a large table, a swarm of children filled my daughter's table. I did not panic (this time!) and turned to seek out a seat by myself.

I went back to the nearly empty table where I had stopped to chat before. My son-in-law and daughter joined me and we watched our table fill with people whose spouses were in the wedding party. The camaraderie grew throughout the evening (not merely due to the beverages consumed!).

I reflected on the drive home that my budding tolerance for being tossed into new situations was at times very positive. Lately, I find myself lingering less and less at tables in our parish that seem to be reserved for others. Are there tables consistently reserved for those people who use their weekly envelopes, have Catholic spouses, speak quietly and acknowledge that creativity can only be handed down from official positions? Possibly. I do know that the bitterness I once felt walking by such tables subsides more and more each day. Instead as I try to focus on taking a seat at the Table where I have always been invited, I continually encounter subtle joy.

"But you have given my heart more joy than they have when grain and wine abound." (Psalm 4:8) Yes, I always smile at that verse, and remember that knowing that paying more attention to where the Master wants me to sit is better than merely accepting the first available seat.

Lying at Messiah

My family went out to Pittsburgh during August for my niece's wedding. My husband and I decided to take a couple more days off to vacation around Pennsylvania and as usual, we kept an eye out for small colleges to stop and purchase souvenir T-Shirts for our daughters. (The only criteria was that the school names be unique.) When we saw a sign off of the interstate that read "Messiah College", there was no doubt in the car that we needed to pull over and find the bookstore!

I found Messiah track, volleyball and a couple of other T-shirts and headed to the counter. School was not in session yet but it did look as if some of the fall sport teams were moving into their dorms. The clerk behind the counter enthusiastically asked me if I had children that attended the college. I smiled and said no. I assumed the conversation was over, but the clerk , undaunted, flashed an overly enthusiastic smile and said "Will you have any children that will be going to college?" Just as quickly I said (overly enthusiastically), "Yes!!" She picked up the pace with, "How old?" I chirped "A senior!!" "How wonderful!!!!" she gushed !!!! I gave her my gushiest smile and listened to her go on about what energy the kids brought to the school and I fueled her discourse with grins and "How great!!" until I was handed the receipt that would ensured my escape!!

My husband barely waited until the door was closed to chide me, "What was that all about! You lied!" I started to double over with laughter crying out, "I just lied to Messiah!!!" The funny part was that I kept running over excuses for the next couple of days why I said what I did, but kept coming back to "Nope, you lied!" As I started to tell people when I returned home about "Lying in Messiah", my husband finally countered with ,"You lied because she was one of "those' religious people and you were intimidated." There was some truth in that. I had stereotyped the clerk as a member of a religious denomination that do not have very positive words to say about Catholics. My knee- jerk reaction to sidestep the question failed and I ran scared. Upon retrospect, I should have said, "No we are picking up some shirts for our children because this seems like such a nice unique college."

St. Paul inferred somewhere in Scripture that he should be humiliated at least once a day, for it ensured that he would grow. I really, really understand that concept, for it is usually only when the Lord has me between the proverbial rock and a hard place, that I get His point. Do not lie. Period. Lying is lying. Tell the truth. Do not prejudge an other's reaction to what you tell them. I guess it is hard for me to remember what the truth is if I am trying to gauge an other's reaction while I'm talking???

Yes, on vacation I discovered a pattern: I lie to the Messiah all the time: "I could serve You better, but 'They' won't let me." "I could take time to read and study Scripture, but 'They' don't believe that I can intellectually absorb the nuances of Your word." "I cannot go in to talk to 'Them' because I feel as if I am speaking to smiling brick walls." "I am not good enough to proclaim your word." Nice work Karen, quit thinking about "Their" reaction and just speak the Truth. I am not responsible for their reactions, just telling the truth as I know it. I remember how last year, I actually made an appointment and went into speak to a staff member about an incident. I started with, "What do you know about me?" I was enlightened to find out that the person only knew what I did for a living and that I 'was good with kids.' The ensuing conversation was extremely open and enlightening, a positive one for the both of us.

So, consider this my confession: "I need to let my Yes mean Yes, and my No mean No." My penance? To work on not assuming what another person is thinking, and letting that influence what I say and do. The truth is not really so constraining. The truth actually sets you free to move, to explore, to learn, to grow. Lying to oneself and those around you makes you smaller than life, and stunts your growth and the lives of those around you.

I do not ever expect to get a credit for Integrity 101 that I audited this summer at Messiah College, but because of what I learned there, I hope to do better on His Final!