When I ordered a copy of "The Shack" to read more than six months ago, a partner book was offered with it, titled "So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore." "The Shack" had had great reviews, so I thought that the partner book would be definitley worth the purchase price. Unfortunately, I mislaid the book. I looked for it a few times (after I had long read "The Shack" and distributed several copies in our parish) but I felt as if I definitely had enough on my plate to halt any extensive search for the time being.

A couple of nights ago, while sifting through retreat material, I found my lost book. A small paperpack, I immediately thought, "Give it a chance!" For once I convinced myself that I did not have to memorize the book, prepare it for a group discussion or write multiple post it notes to reflect on later. I convinced myself this time that I did not have to sit in a certain room at a certain time for a certain alloted time to read a certain amount of chapters, I did not have to make this a noteworthy, 'perfect experience'. I simply opened the book and started reading. Nothing noteworthy in that! (Later I would start to appreciate the irony in that thought!)

The first couple of chapters actually made me sigh, because I started to feel as if this book, was one of 'those' books. You know, the kind that makes you really think, and then ultimately move. The promo on the back cover said "If you're tired of just going through the motions of Christianity and want to mine the depths of what it really means to live deeply in Christ, you'll find Jake's story will give you hope for your own."

I really do not feel as if I am tired of going through the motions ,rather, I think I have a good sense of what church should be about. I did not feel that I had time to read the book and reevalaute......... wait.......I wasn't even sure of what I was hesitant about reevaluating. Ahhh.......the quicksand effect! Just quit struggling Karen, and you'll stop sinking!

I kept reading, and came across a snippet from the second chapter that interested me:

"What I want you to see is that laced through the wonderful things you have here is a system of religious obligation that distorts it all. Until you see that, you'll never know what it means to walk with the Father."

Then the last page of the chapter found a frustrated pastor (Jake) asking the mystic (John) the following:

"Then most of what we're doing here is incredibly misdirected. What would happen if we stopped it all?"

John replied; "That really isn't the issue, is it Jake? I'm talking about your relationship to the Living God, not fixing this institution. Sure it would make for a drastic change. Instead of putting on a show, we would gather to celebrate his work in the lives of his people. Instead of figuring out how we can get people to act more 'Christian,' we would help people get to know Jesus better and let him change them from the inside out. It would revolutionize the life of the church and the lives of its people. But it doesn't begin there," he said, motioning toward the sanctuary doors, "but here," and he tapped himself on the chest. "

Yes, I am going to finish reading the book. Because it may actually have a real idea about the concept of "Transfiguration"?

How Do You like Your Eggs?

In the movie "Runaway Bride", the central character repeatedly became engaged and then always left each fiance on the wedding day. A reporter, who interviewed each of the men she left at the alter, always asked, "How does she like her eggs?" Ironically, each man gave a different answer: "Scrambled", "poached", "over easy" etc, but then added, "Just like mine." The bride was surprised when the reporter told her their answers, and yet realized that she had always adapted her life to those to whom she was supposed to be in love with. At the end of the movie , she blurted out how she really liked her eggs finally understanding that to give herself to someone meant that she ultimately had to know and respect who she was. She subsequently married the reporter who respected her for who she was, not for whom he wanted her to be.

I am finally starting to realize, like the central character in the movie, that I cannot fully give myself to God until I fully accept who I am. I was fashioned by God's hand and should never deny my uniqueness. My uniqueness is what God fashioned, it is what He wants.

Is our parish family known for using their unique gifts? Or are we known for always waiting to act on the basis of the likes and dislikes of our rotating pastors? I feel that our pastor wants us, expects us, to grow on the basis of our gifts, not the expectations of the Diocese. I do not think that he cares if we like the things he likes. I think he does care if we know that "Our loving God is with us!" If we understand that, we will know who we are and what we can truly give to our parish.

My New Year's resolution for the upcoming year will be to pray to fully realize what my talents and gifts are and unabashedly use them for the good of others. May The Year of Our Lord 2009, actually be the Year of OUR Lord!