To see

When asked by my eldest daughter, on the phone from Cincinnati, what I was up to, I mentioned that I was up in "The Blue Room" sorting through my life. The mere mention of that local tavern brings the usual eye rolls and snickers because at our house that title doubles for the upstairs vacant bedroom which is a showcase for my pack rat tendencies! As I waited for her usual rapid fire comments to end, I reminded her that any amount of time that I spent in that room was less time that she would have to spend there boxing things for the estate sale!

I did not go into detail to her that I was approaching my task a little differently this time. "I will probably need that one of these days", was supplanted by " Who will need this?". I was quite surprised at my reaction to the small box in which I was placing my old eye glasses. I cannot even begin to number the amount of times that I have walked through the local bank and seen the box where the Lion's club collects old glasses and sends them to the needy around the world. "Great cause!" I think as I walk away, "I will have to do that sometime." Of course I never have placed one pair in any Lion's box, because you know, I might need them someday!

Trying those glasses on for the final time, I noted that I could barely see through any of them. All those glasses that had helped me see clearly at one point in time,were gradually replaced as I needed stronger prescriptions. I was struck by a thought that I was holding on to notions of my parish in the same vein. "What you see is what you get" aptly described my youth. I memorized my prayers, went to mass and knew I was a Catholic. Probably about as many times as I changed prescriptions, throughout my life, I changed the way I saw the church. Saying rote prayers and merely attending mass no longer helped me see what the Spirit wanted me to see. Music, speakers, movies, discussions, quiet time, teaching CCD, working Confirmation retreats, intimate conversations with parishioners, healing masses, and various stints on committees were all the Lord's prescription adjustments that improved my vision.

I have come to realize lately that the way I have dutifully accepted the leadership of our parish is akin to relying on the worn glasses that I wore twenty years ago. No one resists new frames after so many years, so why do some resist altering interaction patterns within a parish? I understand resistance to change, but I also understand that some of the neatest moments of my spiritual life have come when I chose to change my frames to be with other members of the parish who changed theirs. The hard moments have been when I have had to change the prescriptions. I look like the other parishioners, but what I see is unique to what the Spirit has led me to see. To accept that idea is to accept and appreciate that everyone in my parish has a different prescription than I. They need different lens and different levels of activities than I do. So it makes sense that our parish should be offering many different opportunities for growth and development rather than a small number of rigidly structured large activities.

I like the leadership of our parish, but I will stumble in my daily walk if I do not trust the pair of glasses that I have been prescribed to wear by my Father. With the same confidence and trust that I have in removing those old frames with those old prescriptions from my house, I am eager to embrace the ideas that will improve the vision of the people around me and of course my own. We don't all crowd into the optometrist's office and shout out what we see in unison, why would we expect that our visions from the Father would be the same? If the church leadership seriously asks us what we see, we will tell them because we all want our glasses to help us see clearly. I have never met a doctor yet that doesn't ask me what I see to prescribe my glasses, why should the church leadership be different?

The Voice of Truth

Lyrics from Casting Crown's "Voice of Truth":

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again,"Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop to listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

"do not talk about it"

An excerpt from "Things Hidden: Scripture as Spirituality":

" This warning from Jesus, after the Transfiguration, not to talk is often called the 'messianic secret' by scriptural commentators. It is common for Jesus to demand silence after many of his actions and miracles. He does not allow demons "who know who he is 'to speak' (Mark 1:34). So interesting! Why do you think he tells people not to talk? Well, Jesus sometimes adds a very telling phrase after ordering silence: "until after the resurrection" ( Mark 9:9)

Here's how I (Father Rohr) read that: Until you've gone through the mystery of transformation from the false self to the True Self, don't talk about these things, because you will almost always misuse and misinterpret the experience.

Father Rohr went on to discuss how he tells his retreat participants, on the final day, "Don't talk about this for at least a week and maybe longer." He felt that , out of context, the retreat members would not be able to describe their experience . "Whatever words you use to describe what you've just experienced inside of a liminal space will be trivialized outside of sacred space. Or you will concretize and freeze your experience after the first time you communicate it."

These words by Father Rohr provided food for thought and, although did not limit my reading of his book, his words did limit my writing about a couple of chapters. I started to realize that many of my frustrating moments in the past may have occurred because I tried to talk to people 'in power' out of context. I naively thought that the experiences of many of the parishioners and I were pertinent to the future of our consolidation. I was wrong. I am finally ready to acknowledge that my experiences do not matter....to the leaders of the parish. They have been trained at a much higher level than I have or intend to have. This does not mean that I cannot serve the people around me. It's just that I am finally understanding the source of my frustration with this consolidation. The advice by Rohr at the end of the chapter:

"Let your breathing in and out, for the rest of your life, be your prayer to ---and from--such a living and utterly shared God. You will not need to prove it, nor can you, to anybody else. Just keep breathing with full consciousness and without resistance, and you will know what you need to know."

and should probably add, "Do What You Need To Do."