Why Don't You Grow Up?

A friend of mine wrote me a note a couple of weeks ago after I had written "Baptism Blues".

She admitted that we seem to have a communications problem in the parish. "From the beginning, tact and/or consideration for how someone might feel hasn't appeared to be a high priority in most of his (Father's) dealings. Obviously, from the Bishops' experience, there was some communication, but not clear communication. Either he doesn't know how, or he thinks he's said or done things that he hasn't, or he thinks he doesn't have to." She thought that maybe indirectly, because Thiels were allowed to still participate, that maybe Father was a little more aware of adjusting his style of communication. Then my friend added, "In any case...a recurring sentiment in much of the communications and blog entries I've seen reminds me of a disgruntled employee/employer relationship, or a parent talking about an ungrateful child. 'After all I've done for him, that's how he treats us?' or 'After all the hours I put in, he promotes her???!!' And while they may be justified statements, in any case, don't the acts of service come first here, not the recognition? " "Isn't serving and ministering where needed, the main thing? So if it's not in one area, on to another?"

My friend really didn't want me to send her original note to the corners of the globe, but I assured her that she gave me food for thought. Are we (as parishioners) a bunch of babies? Father is in charge and we should just nod our heads and do what we are told? Why don't we just grow up?! !

Erma Bombeck, in her book "just wait till you have children of your own!", offered some thoughts on the matter. She was lamenting about how a child psychologist had written that "Parenting is loving". (He had no children) She wrote,

"Parenting is frustration that you have to see to believe. Could I have ever comprehended that something so simple, so beautiful, and so uncomplicated as a child could drive you to shout, "We are a family and you're a part of this family and by God, you're going to spend a Friday night with us having a good time if we have to chain you to the bed!" And a plaintive voice within me sighed, "Why don't you grow up?" What kind of kids am I raising that would snicker during the playing of the Star Spangled Banner? What kind of kids would let a hamster die of starvation? What kind of kids would start a fight in church...With HOLY WATER?!' Grow up, won't you?' "


Yes, dear friend, to our staff, some of we parishioners must seem an awfully lot like children. But are they seeing everything? Erma continues:

"And there were joys. Moments of closeness.....an awkward hug; seeing them stand up when older people entered the room, saying "Yes sir", and No ma'am" without you holding a cue card in front of them. And I said to myself.....softly this time, "Why don't you grow up?" To Erma there never seemed as if there was time for loving. "Did they ever know I smiled? Did they ever understand my tears? Did I talk to much? Did I say to little? Did I ever really look at them and see them? Do I know them at all? Or was it all a lifetime of 'Why don't you grow ups?'

She then walked through her eventual silent, empty house and finally shouted, 'WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP? '

And the silence, where once had abounded frustration, fear, disappoinment, resentment, compassion, joy and love echoes, 'I did.' "

Is 'quietly moving on' really what the staff wants of us as parishioners? To smile and nod while we slowly take our unwanted gifts and place them behind our backs? Many of us have heard "Why don't you grow up???!!" once to often. Is there any wonder that there might be less participation and giving? Is there any wonder many started to use their gifts elsewhere? Frustration, fear, resentment, compassion and joy, are all a part of being a family. I would remind the staff that most of us have not gone to far away........yet. Many of us have lived through parenting and we truly understand the pitfalls of communication. Embrace us! Talk to us! Share with us! Or you too, after imploring us to "GROW UP!!! '" will be wandering through our Father's house........hearing an all- to- silent "We did".