But.....it hurts.........

In the interest of 'healing', I have been listing some things on my other blog ("ethereal"), that explain what things made me almost numb to participation in our "new" parish. I have not finished it, not because I could not decide what to write, but because I started to doubt whether or not it would have any positive effect on our situation. Then someone talked to me about the blog recently, and informed me that there were comments on the blog that were 'hurtful'. I explained that the information was not meant to hurt anyone. In deference to Socrates, I was trying to let people know things that have harmed our community. I just think there are some things that people should know. I told him a couple of things I had yet to list. He quite candidly said, "You are hurt." And I agreed. I am hurt. Yet, would it help the situation if I said nothing?

When I was in the fourth grade, we often played tag at recess. Near the end of the school parking lot there was a lot of loose stone. I tried to turn to evade someone and fell in those stones. Not wanting to quit playing, I started to run again only to find that my knees were bleeding. I don't think I cried at the time, but it did hurt and must have looked bad enough that the other kids told me to go inside the school to find help. I walked into the school and headed for the cafeteria where the teachers were eating, and before I could open my mouth, the teacher said,(rather harshly) "Go back outside, you are not supposed to be in here during recess!". I dutifully obeyed and went back outside. I said nothing. I dealt with the pain as any child does and didn't tell my mother. Days later I recalled my mother being surprised at how my knees were infected. I remember the pain as my mother made me soak my knees and then proceded to pick many small black stones out of them. I had to miss school one morning because my mother took me to the doctor to have them checked. As she took me back into the building that afternoon, the teacher who had told me to get out of the building without asking me what was wrong, now cooed sweetly, "Why didn't you tell me that you were hurt!" I have never forgotten looking at her in disbelief wondering why she would say such a thing. I wanted to yell, "But I tried to tell you!"

When I told this story to a parishioner a couple of months ago, she laughed and said, "Is that why a lot of this bothers you?" Hmmmmm.......come to think of it......maybe.........

I, and many others that I have talked to, were hurt during these past few years. Many times I tried to talk about those hurts with those that I thought would want to know. I believed that they could have helped the situation, because they were 'in charge'. Sadly, I felt as if I was treated as that fourth grader, and told to wait outside. I wasn't supposed to be in the building. I had no right to interupt or question authority. Then, infections set in. And many of us looked to other avenues for support. I am so glad to say that I found people who did listen, and looked at those hurts and offered wonderful healing balm. I am ever grateful to those people whom I talked to and confided in. Together we have prayed......and healed.........and have walked on.

"Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?" I know now, that I was partially to blame for the infection that made my knees worse. I should have told the teacher that I was hurt. I believe now that she would have helped me. Being silent only let the infection spread. Being silent about the concerns of our parish, will not bring healing. If the staff really cares, and I have no choice but to believe they do, true healing will happen. We can't stop telling them where it hurts.